


the cook is bringing the horse

by thisissirius



Category: Duolingo (App)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 09:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “I didn’t go to a thousand years of college to learn a myriad of languages to be dismissed,” Duo thinks bitterly, and waves off O RLY and Hoots when they try and get him to stay.





	the cook is bringing the horse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Beth Harker (Beth_Harker)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Harker/gifts).



> i hope this is what you were looking for ;)

The thing they don’t tell you when you agree to host an app, is that it’s incredibly frustrating.

It can be hilarious and boring, but most of the time, Duo spends his time flitting from interface to interface and trying to keep people updated on their languages and actually prompt them into learning things. His brother is some bigwig in the Parliament of Owls – somewhere Duo’s never gonna get if he doesn’t manage to tuck a few more clients under his belt – and he’s constantly telling Duo he’s wasting his life by drowning in social media.

As if Duo doesn’t know that.

He still has to pay his bills, and thanks to a few poor decision in his youth, it’s in an apartree that’s too expensive for Duo to actually afford.

“You could always move,” The Owl says passively. The Owl, capitals and all, like running away with a pussycat gives you authority to start sounding important.

Duo doesn’t think much of that decision. He’s not going to give his brother further ammunition for derision. If that means he suffers paying his rent every month, so be it. He vents his frustration through the App, irritated by people downloading him and then forgetting he exists, which is frankly just _rude_.

For those people, Duo decides to choose the most ridiculous phrases out of spite. Not something his mother appreciates, but she’s also currently serving some kid in Scotland who can’t learn to operate a car the conventional way and insists on flying it, so she has no place to judge.

 _I am the cheese_ , he asks some woman in Iceland to translate. She’s learning Dutch, which Duo isn’t one to judge, and she’s pretty terrible, but needs must. Every client is extra coin, and all that.

Sometimes he does it just for fun, when people are getting too excited about their daily streak and he has to remind them that people aren’t going to be asking you simple phrases about where the nearest toilet is, or how to count to a hundred in various languages.

He laughs, inputs _the orange is speaking_ to the next client, wondering what they’ll make of that. They’re learning a myriad of languages and committing to none, so Duo’s especially judgemental the next time he goes to the _Owlways Open_ for a drink.

“At least if you’re going to learn a new language,” Duo says with an angry snarl, “commit to that instead of deciding to learn five more. Right?”

O RLY doesn’t look particularly interested in the topic at hand, scrolling through her phone, but she’s nodding in the right places, so unless she’s decided to adopt the mannerisms of a pigeon, at least she’s paying attention.

Hoots is more interested, saxophone resting against the table for once. He’s a great guy, but he can’t hold a tune for love nor money, both of which he’s lacking. “But what if they’re a quick study?”

Duo sighs, downs the rest of his drink and calls for another. “I asked him to translate _I never had a girlfriend_ in Japanese and he couldn’t do it.”

“Oh, really?”

Hoots sighs. “O RLY, do you have to say that every time?”

“I don’t do it all the time,” O RLY protests, and the two are off, bickering and sniping.

Duo massages his forehead, knows he’s going to regret logging into his work email. He’s unsurprised by all the notifications he has to send out because people actually forget they downloaded him and wanted his help.

“I didn’t go to a thousand years of college to learn a myriad of languages to be dismissed,” he thinks bitterly, and waves off O RLY and Hoots when they try and get him to stay. He’s got better things to do than listen to his friends bickering.

He’s seriously debating abandoning his drinking when several people log in for the first time in a month and want to put in a few hours’ worth of work in a short time span. As if he has enough of himself to spread around three different continents. People, he is finding, have little regard for their apps and what it takes to keep them together.

 _I always feel tired_ he sends in Spanish to one, trying to send a message.

 _No one is good_ he sends another, making a point.

 _A hungry animal is eating the clothes of my child._ He wishes he had access to the phone camera, so he could see the reaction to that one.

 His statements start to get a bit ridiculous after that. Duo’s torn between anger and exhaustion, so when he’s pulled into the Main Office because some of his word choices are going viral, he’s expecting a dressing down. Thankfully, the Parliament are mostly amused, and though they ask he be less angry when he’s pressing people to return, Duo’s harbouring a lifetime’s worth of resentment growing up under Glimfeather. There’s plenty anger left in him.

“I could be a little more ridiculous.” Duo’s sure a few drinks in the _Owlways Open_ and having to listen to both O RLY and Hoots bicker time and again will more than encourage crass and nonsensical phrase choices.

There are times, of course, that the boredom gets worse. Duo shifts through a myriad of emotions to get people back on track and actually utilise the information he’s imparting. When sadness doesn’t work, he tries anger. When that doesn’t work, he goes for irritating, sending notification after notification in an attempt to anger people into returning.

Those people usually just answer a question or two and then abandon him again, almost as a _fuck you_ to Duo. As if his life wasn’t already testing enough, he’s going to worry about a random person in the Midwest who can’t remember to log in every day to learn a new word.

Duo laughs, sends _I do not have a sponge in my pocket_ in Italian. Then _the little green man opened the door_ on the next input, because he can imagine the expression on the client’s face and it’s perfect.

“Maybe I’ll delete your app,” Hoots says the next night, apparently the recipient of one of Duo’s gems; _he wants to swim in a sea of sauce._

“Oh really?” O RLY asks, tilting her head.

 _I am Death_ , Duo sends into the app.


End file.
